There's a Hole Where Something Was.

Listening To: Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy

Feeling: like giving it a ponder

"I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine

What a match, I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet

So boycott love, detox just to retox

And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life

Imperfect boys with their perfect lives

Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

(Wants to hear you sing about tragedy)"

I was thinking about my writing. I haven't been writing anything but scraps every now and then for a little while because of writer's block, so I've been practicing drawing in my spare time when I had nothing to do. Mom and dad say I'm improving. Even Flash says I'm improving. It makes me happy to draw, but I'm worried I'll get too wrapped up in it and end up forgetting about writing. You can't exactly throw away five years of that, though, can you? I wouldn't think that I would be such a fickle teenager as that.

Still, I have varying opinions of myself, from low to high, depending on who I'm around and what particular mood I'm in. I used to hold myself up pretty high on a pedestal, thinking I was smarter, prettier, more mature than everyone else, but that just isn't true. I know I've said it before, but I have changed alot over the years, and I definitely don't know myself yet. I want too, but it's so hard to get in touch; to come within reach.

I suppose you can love more than one hobby at a time without it having to be a career choice; writing, however, I believe is my career choice. I wasn't born with talent, but only few people, are, aren 't they? You have to practice to get better. You don't naturally come out the womb with a pencil and piece of paper and are set for life.

Listening To: The (Shipped) Gold Standard by Fall Out Boy

"I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs

But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

You can only blame your problems on the world for so long

Before it all becomes the same old song

As soon as we hit the hospital I know we're gonna leave this town

And get new passports and get, get, get, get, get out now"

What I decided though, is that I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to draw, I'm going to write. I'm going to listen to mainstream music and music so obscure only a few people know about it (Like Owl City before he beacame popular. I was a long-time fan of his along with Flash before his Fireflies boom). I'm going to create charcters crazy or sane, with whatever appearences I want them to have, in whatever drawing style. I'll love like a vampire.

I'll be Team Edward, Team Damon, Team Hikaru, Team Death the Kid, Team L.

I'll just try to be me to the best of my abilities and love my friends and family with every bit of my heart and not hold back. I'll enjoy every moment in their presence and I'll remember the memories years from now. I'll be the one to ask "remember when."

I don't have to suscribe to a style to like it.

I don't have to fit your perceived notions of me or the blank copies I put out for people.

Accept me or hate me, either way, I am me.