Yeah, I'm movin' on, but that's the way it goes.

Listening To: Liar Liar by NeverShoutNever
Feeling: Excitement about the POOAL

I know I had that title of a recent post already, but the blog is moving, and I thought it would be appropriate to have that as the title. I put on this song specifically so I could have that as the title.

The blog has moved to
http://hobomerz.blogspot.com/

I'm basically just starting over. I see all my immaturity here and also a lot of memories I don't want to have; and anyone who wants to Follow me on here should Follow The Anatomy of a Pseudo-Hobo blog, which will soon have it's first post. I just have this doodle I want to do with the first post, which is why it isn't posted yet. I'll be better about posting and try not to be so boring and everything.

And so, thank you for all the years, guys.

The natural life; you're born, you die.

Listening To: Natural Life by Breaking Benjamin
Feeling: The opposite of OPA!. Which must mean something terrible.

Holy granola, my organs hurt. Don't ask my why my organs hurt. I just know they do. Mom tells me I must've slept wrong, but it feels like an alien ripped open my stomach while I was sleeping and pounded my organs because he was bored, then went back home. That's how bad they feel. Oh, and my spine hurts. My ribs hurt. My eyeballs hurt. He probably beat those, too.

Though this post was not supposed to be about everything that was currently causing me pain, it seems that's the way it started off. Oh well. Let's go ahead and get to the topics at hand here, shall we?

I was just contemplating on the fact that I am a person who likes to remember "the good times," an awful lot. I'll just look over and dad and be like,

Me: Dad, do you remember that time?

Dad: *sighs dramatically because he knows what's coming* No, I remember no such time. I don't remember any of the times.

Me: Oh, sure you do. It was that one time when me and you and mom went to the park and we played with those velcro pads and the baseballs that stuck to them because I can't play any real sports, but then I thought I could play real sports so I said, "Let's play soccer!" And then we started to play makeshift soccer but you kicked the ball pretty hard and it flew up into my face and hit me in the nose and I had a bloody nose and I was all upset?

Dad: I vaguely recall.

Me: Good times. 8D Oh, wait, no, I thought you had broken my nose and I was going to be horribly ugly for the rest of my life D8< Bad times, bad times!

And this is how these things go with us. I'm always remembering that one time, and half the time my parental units don't even know what I'm talking about. They are highly convinced that I've made up half of my childhood with false memories and the other half are real but I don't remember those as much because they aren't as exciting for me as the false ones. Though I am absolutely positive they're just old and don't remember the finer points of my upbringing.

I, however, remember all of the finer points of my upbringing. Like how when I was younger I saw those Leprechaun movies and I was highly convinced that that Leprechaun was hiding under my bed, and someone who hated me told him I had his gold and I'm like "Frakk no, I don't have your gold" but he still thought so anyway, and if I dangled a leg or arm over the side of my bed he would claw the crap out of me and drag me under the bed and murder me. To this day I'm still in the habit of attempting to keep my limbs firmly on the bed; never mind that underneath my bed is so much crap there would be no place for the Leprechaun to hide, unless he could shrink himself.

And I wouldn't be surprised.

A more recent memory, though, is that dad has this box thing. It makes noise like it's some huge frakking dog but really it's just a speaker, and he put it in my bathroom as I was passing by. It has a motion sensor. And I'm all ladi-da-dee-isn't-life-super-special-awesome with my iPod in my hand and a dog in the other and this thing goes off. I scream, and I don't even know what I scream, but I scream, drop my iPod and set dog down as gently as a freaked out person an and run. Run like I am in a freaking MARATHON, because I am a survivor and I was highly convinced there was a demon in my bathroom.

I ran directly into dad, who was hunching down in the hallway to witness this reaction -- AT NIGHT, MIND YOU -- so I thought the demon was double-teaming me with another demon before I realized it was dad, who was LOL, ROFL, LMAO, OMGWTFBBQ'ing in the hallway. I basically tried to scrabble over him and told him to save me and basically told him to be eaten by the demon who was after my poor, pure soul. Before I figured out everything was a joke.

The moral of the story is: be careful if you have as big as an imagination as I do.

God, help me I've come undone out of the light of the sun.

Listening To: Give Me A Sign by Breaking Benjamin
Feeling: Tired.

Yeah, I'm probably not going to be posting the lyrics with the song title and whatnot anymore. It's not like it's a big pain in the bum for me or anything, but there just really isn't any point to it except that I haven't seen someone do that. Though I will keep using lyrics as post titles. Alright, let's go ahead and get to an official post here so Flash can read it, maybe comment, and then we can all go back to our normal lives.

First of all, the suminagashi class was not exactly as I expected. Just picture me at the library with my father, whom I forced to take the class with me as some sort of bonding exercise, and I'm waiting for the class to begin because the woman is of course late, by over fifteen minutes. At this point, my spirits are not dampened because, hello, I'm in a library. A big building full of books. How can someone like me not be on cloud nine in the presence of books?

The point is, I spent the fifteen minutes plus by getting some books. Once she finally does arrive and the class is called to session, I promptly realize this day is going to be filled, absolutely filled, with WTFery. As the class contains myself and my slightly disgruntled father, two young boys who reek of mac n' cheese and ugly boy smells and their mother who is trying to be sexy sitting in the corner wearing short-shorts but really, she's way too old for those and her thighs were not what I wanted to see, and two pseudo-artistic teenagers who obviously thought they were all that. One of them was wearing a beret.

Yeah. A beret.

So the teacher comes in and instead of being deep and artistic like I imagined her, she's Miss Happy Rainbow Sunshine Unicorn, and basically treats us like we're in preschool. Which, judging by the immaturity of the two young boys next to me, I'm not surprised. It is deadpan horrible for the entire duration of her explanation about suminagashi and Japan, of which I already knew about everything she said and all the materials.

Dad ended up with a really cool one that looked like a ying-yang of skulls, and I ended up with three that just sort of looked nice. Maybe I'll post pictures eventually, but I seriously doubted it. Basically, I like the art form and everything, but the woman was severely unprepared, severely condescending, and the supplies had holes in them or the brush tips would come off randomly. I still looked like an idiot hunching over a tinfoil pan that looks like its been used a hundred times before, flicking paint and ink into the water.

My faith in the calligraphy class is dwindled. Because the suminagashi class said -- apparently -- five and up. And the calligraphy class says all ages. You would absolutely not think this, due to the fact that calligraphy is supposed to be slow and precise and careful, and you don't want a toddler that eats toenail clippings in there messing about with paper and spilling ink all over everyone while screaming like a banshee.

Pray for me.

As for other news in my life, I apparently now have a pool. A very, very large above-ground pool. I'm all excited for it and everything because it's only about four feet deep, so I won't drown (Yes, I still cannot swim. So sue me). Mom's getting all excited by getting us these fancy towels with flip-flops printed on them, getting me goggles for apparent underwater adventure, those little raft things you lay on and sip your virgin margarita on, and a pool cover. And probably a new two-piece bathing suit for me. Which brings me to the conclusion that I'm glad this pool is, of course, in the backyard, and away from anyone seeing me flailing around like an idiot, LOL'ing and being this extremely happy version of myself that rarely comes out.

I also finished the pink sketchbook. I haven't started in on the black one yet, but I'm probably going to do that today. I was all accomplished and, "Look, mom! Look, dad! I finished my sketchbook!" and they were all, "That's nice, dear" before going back along their daily business. I take it that finishing the sketchbook and starting a new one means a lot more to me than to everyone else...

If you trust your neighbors, they'd never suspect what you're like.

Listening To: Your Friends Are Gone by Circa Survive
Feeling: Like playing a children's card game.

"...Everything hidden is suddenly exposed
Nobody wants to hear another
Story about how you couldn't write right
It climbs in slowly behind
No one has to know
Playback, delete, and rewind
Each one is louder than the one before
And the people you care for
At ten times the expense
Of all that you've spent..."

I've decided that I might try to post a little Letters thing every week on Saturday, which will basically just be me ranting about the things that have bothered me all week. I've always wanted to sort of do a weekly thing like that, and I also wanted to do a rant-like thing. I've seen other bloggers do things like that, so I thought I might as well do it, too, and try to keep up with it. So, enjoy my rant, I suppose? I usually don't get comments, so I really don't know if I'm being boring or exciting. We'll just have to see.

Oh, at the end, I guess I'll post something good that made me happy this week.

5/29/10, Letters no.1
Dear Sun,
Sun, if you could not scorch me everytime I walk outdoors, that would be nice. Yes, I know I tan easily and rarely burn. Yes, I know I am a ghastly pale. I like it this way, and if you could stop trying to tan the crap out of me everytime I step outside for 5.6 seconds because you know it'll be another two weeks before something forces me back into the "great" *air quotes* outdoors, that would be excellent.

Dear Novel I'm Currently Writing,
I would really love if you could be easier to write. I have -- basically -- the whole plot floating around in my mind and on random bits of paper and in notebooks, but nevertheless, I am never confident while I'm writing you. I worry that the story is moving too fast, I'm not describing things well, the characters aren't three-dimensional enough, that there's too many characters in general, etc. Basically, I have no faith in myself or any scraps of skills I may have at this point. I am in a constant state of worry because of this, so yeah.

Dear Non-Existant Confidence,
It would be just superb if you, Confidence, would show up and take over once in awhile. I don't need to be over-confident, but it would be nice to feel good about the novel or myself for once. News flash for everyone involved: guys don't find self-conscious girls cute. Not that I'm even thinking about going after a guy, or that I even like a certain one (At this point, I don't), but still. You know. I should be ready when it happens, right?

Dear Art Skills,
I know I'm asking for a lot here, but can I please be able to draw hands? And arms? And legs? And feet?
...
And realism?
I just rocked the boat, didn't I?

Dear Gracie's hair,
I know you're my dog's hair and all and you probably have an ego just like she does, but you tangle so much. I have to brush you all the time, and I'm getting sick of it. Can't you stay untangled for at least a day?
It's so much easier with the pugs' short hair. Their grooming needs are practically non-existant.

And finally, the happy thing. It's optional to read, of course, like everything else.

Dear God,
Thanks for always being there for me, through the tears, the doubts, the rants, the confusion, the fear. You know I'm always a constant jumble of nerves and fear, and that I'm constantly on the cusp of letting them consume me. Still, there's always a line to cross before I get that far, and Your hands on my shoulders gently pull me away before I reach that line.
I love You. Even if I can't be honest with myself, I can be honest with You.
Thanks for everything, Father.

In a city of fools, I was careful and cool, but they tore me apart like a hurricane.

Listening To: Therapy by All Time Low
Feeling: Y'know; the usual.

"...My ship went down in a sea of sound
When I woke up alone, I had everything
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare, that cut like a blade
In a city of fools, I was careful and cool
But they tore me apart like a hurricane
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
But I was carried away..."

There still isn't much going on here. Just a lot of chores, a lot of sketching, some writing, and some reading. That's basically the only things going on right now, and pretty much the only thing that ever is. Except tomorrow I'm going to a suminagashi class tomorrow, and then sometime in June I'm going to a Chinese calligraphy class -- which, if you know me, will have me bouncing off the walls with happiness. I absolutely adore the Asian culture, language, mythology, whatever. And I really hate it when someone tells me that my passion for the culture will fade, or I'm just like every other teen on the Internet who loves Japan and Japan period.

But since I'm interested in all the Asian cultures, examples, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, etc. and am actually serious about learning mainly the Japanese language and learning about those cultures. I like knowing about all sorts of languages and cultures, though, but my favorite is probably Asian cultures. I don't know why. Though, since Flash lives in Latvia, I'm actually starting to learn a bit about their culture, as well.

I was going to probably write a whole paragraph up on suminagashi and one on the Chinese calligraphy, but if you want to know more about it you can learn about the suminagashi here and the Chinese calligraphy here. I think it's good to have something that you're passionate about in life, whether it be a culture or something like that, and also good to know what you want to do in life and to have hobbies. Makes your life more full, I suppose; though I'm getting a bit off-topic and much too optimistic...Once again, if you know me, I am one of the most pessimistic people you will meet. Yet, still a hopeless romantic at the same time.

Though I'm trying to kick that. Nothing good will ever come of looking at boys as if they are knights in shining armor, when I know full well and personally well that they are not. Sure, they might end up loving you in the end, but when they first see you, they are most likely -- and I'm talking 99.9% likely -- thinking about smexing you up. Do not delude yourself; this is what they're thinking. They don't see what a pretty brain you have. They are looking at your lady lumps and humps, so now you know.

I have new characters, my lovelies. I probably need to get rid of some because I have so many and only about three are fully developed -- Ric, Vic, and Mercedes -- but I still keep churning them out like nobody's business. I have a German vampire prince, Albrecht Fuerst. He's in the Ravenblood coven but kept his last name rather than changing it. Diahann Dupont and Aubin Blanc, who are both French and got divorced. It's a bit complicated, but their kids are Amadour and Aceline. I think Aceline is seventeen and Amadour is nineteen, two years apart just like Jersey and Anthony.

I'll blog again soon...I might post about how that class goes tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm moving on, but that's the way it goes.

Listening To: Liar Liar by NeverShoutNever
Feeling: Excited

"...Don’t pull that s**t again
For me now, but I'm building up
I can see that I've had enough of you
I'm finally through
And all I see in you
Is another mistake right over my shoulder
Now I see who you are..."

There's been a huge lack of updates lately, hasn't there? I wanted to just post a little something so none of my Followers would think I was going on another one of my notorious hiatuses. I've been had a lack of real topic to write about here, and the reason for that is probably because of my book. I think I mentioned I was working on it quite awhile ago, but I scrapped what I had wrote and I started over...what, yesterday, I think? And so, I have six-thousand-and-some words now, and I think it's going good.

I've also been making new characters even though I already have an abundance of them, and I've been doodling a lot. My little pink sketchbook is almost completely filled now. ♥ For some reason, though, I feel really accomplished that I've drawn enough to fill up a sketchbook. I think I only started doodling in it, what, a couple months ago? I really can't say because I don't remember.

I'm also proud because I'm one of those people who can be fickle at times, get bored easily, and get discouraged easily. But I've been taking the criticism like a woMAN (Because I am a girl, and that's how we take critique), and I know that most of the people who critique me are trying to help me; not offend me. I remember when I used to get offending if someone didn't like my art. Well, when I look at my way older art, I offend myself with what I say about it.

Mom and dad already got me a new fancy black sketchbook. I was trying to hold off on drawing in it because they're going to buy my something that's supposed to stop the charcoal and pencils, et cetera , from rubbing off on the opposite page. But since I've almost filled the pink one, I probably won' t wait. I like to doodle at least one thing a day in order to improve my skills and keep techniques I've learned fresh in my mind. It's very helpful, even if I just doodle something easy or small.

As for those new characters I previously mentioned, I think the new ones I have since I last blogposted are...Jersey Wallace, Asherd Wallace, Anthony Luna, Artery, Seth, and Thaddeus Beret. Oh, and maybe Skyline. Not sure if I'll keep her or not.

Now. Jersey is in the book, replacing Jamie who was in the old one that I erased (If you're wondering who replaced Julius, that would be Vic. So now the Five are Mercedes, Labyrinth, Vic, Ric, and Jersey), and Asherd who is her brother and is briefly in the book but nothing important and I must stress he is not one of the Five. Anthony is Mercedes's current boy-toy, and is also briefly in the book, but is not one of the Five, either. Artery and Seth are two of a new race I am developing called Plaguechildren, and they are both in the Mafia which is getting a comeback in this novel, but not a story of it's own yet. Thaddeus is just a human who probably could be compared -- hair-wise -- to a blonde Weird Al. And Skyline is a flirtatious pink-haired Crow, though I'm not sure if I'm keeping her. I just really need to make new Crows...

I guess that ends this update. Hope you all enjoy the weekend.

'Cause all you people are vampires.

Listening To: Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong But... by Arctic Monkeys
Feeling: Sickly

"...Well I ain't got no dollar signs in my eyes
That might be a surprise but it's true
That I'm not like you and I don't want your advice
Or your praise or to move in the ways you do
And I never will
Cause all you people are vampires
And all your stories are stale
And though you pretend to stand by us
I know you're certain we'll fail.."

Well, let's just say that last night was not a good night for me. Which explains the "sickly" part of the Feeling section in this post. I won't get into depth about it, but I will say it involves a bad stomach ache that kept me up the better part of the night. Oh, well; at least I ended up getting some sleep in the end. I still was up for awhile, just messing around with my music, looking at doodles, and randomly reading some Dear John, even though I should just finish the book I started -- Jane Eyre -- I don't know. I tend to go through phases where I start on another book before I finish another, and Jane isn't a particularly huge book -- at least, I don't think so.

Yes, don't expect any serious quality to this post. I'm pretty sure it's just not going to happen.

I've been thinking lately that I need to compile a list of my characters. I sort of want to know how many I have, and get rid of the useless ones. It's pretty easy for me to get rid of a character I haven't used so much, or to get rid of an un-needed character in a short story or book. It's never been that hard. It's odd, considering how in real life I could never even hurt a fly and I'm a weaker person in general.

Speaking of those characters, though, my twins Ric and Vic are officially shapeshifters. I think I might've said once how I imagined them human and they always will be, but as you might know, I tend towards the indecisive side. Besides, Ric was a shapeshifter the first time I ever roleplayed him with Flash. I might as well tell you what I came up with for this version of shapeshifting, but it's really basic and not specific. It's nothing like Flash's shifters, who have an incredible amount of thought put into them, their world, and their races. That whole thing is so complicated that I barely understand it, and I probably know next to nothing about them compared to what is all in her mind.

Shifters seem normal up until the very first time they shift. Whatever age that is, they will become immortal and freeze in that age after the first shift. If they were born a shapeshifter, they can still die and are a mortal until the first shift (Let's call is TFS, shall we?). This can happen at any age, but commonly between the ages of 13-24. A pretty wide age-gap, right? The genes of the shifters goes for a younger age naturally.

Twins - look-a-like or not - always will shift the first time at the same time. After that, they are free to shift separately.

Their form depends on the power, strength, and sometimes even personality and morals of the person. Since the forms vary so greatly, they don't run in packs like the Realm Gods would. They still sometimes form families or groups together because they feel more at ease with their kind.

Some are only carriers of the gene and never actually shift.

They do automatically know when another of their kind is near, as this instinct has developed in them over the years. However, someone who has been a shifter longer and is, thus, older, will have a be able to sense their kind more easily than a shapeshifter who has -- for example -- just had TFS.

Their eyes tend to be vivid, and can be wild colors like red, orange, yellow, etc.

So, as you can see, it is basic and very loose. I never wanted to make some sort of super-form out of them, or something like that, and the main "breed" type thing that I am focusing on would be the Bloody Crow Creed. I would like to create a very complex world for them, and make them complex themselves, like Flash has done with her Realm Gods.

As for the reason these two are suddenly shifters, it's because of a roleplay Flash and are having. I wanted them to be immortal like her character Froze, and the kids Nora, Jesse, and Haley. It's a very complicated thing and it's more like a magical soap opera than just an everyday family RP, so you definitely don't want to hear about it.

Drama.

We're all looking for something to take away the pain.

Listening To: Me, You and My Medication by Boys Like Girls
Feeling: Ergh. Is that an emotion?

"...It feels like the stars are getting closer
And the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin
We're all looking for something
To take away the pain
Me and you and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me you and my medication..."

I was watching some show the other night with mom. I'm not sure I even remember what it was, but it was just stupid stupid thing that actually made me think; one of the characters was talking about how she'd always wanted to be a mother, to love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally. Normally, something like this would probably go through one ear and then the other for me -- because, after all, it is just a stupid television show -- but for some reason, it started the wheels in my brain creaking.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that to say I don't like kids is putting it extremely lightly. Children are horrible and disgusting to me, and I don't even plan on having one or multiples of them when I get married. So, this post is not about the child part in any way at all. What it's about is the love. Of course, I love my parents unconditionally -- never have I once pulled a teenage fit and said I hated them, to myself or to them or ever -- and they love me unconditionally.

But excluding relations, it made me wonder about love in general. I know, you guys know, my parents know, everyone knows, that I am flawed. I've never claimed not to be. I think I'm a hard person to get along with once you know me because I tend to get annoying after awhile, like a song you had on repeat for a month and now you just can't stand anymore. Once you get past the facade I put out, you see exactly who I really am.

And I do put on a facade. For everyone, except my parents and a couple close iFriends. There's only been one person in real life I truly became myself around -- the good with the bad, the pretty and the ugly -- and we got along so well once I finally opened myself up. I thought it was just a crazy, unnatural fear that I had that I couldn't trust anyone. I mean, look! This friend and I had such good times together, and we laughed at each other, and we seemed so close. Everything was going so excellently.

Now, we had known each other for years on and off before I finally was normal around her, and it happened in the summer. I slowly let go and had fun and didn't worry if what I said was stupid or if I would accidentally offend her.

Then, once school started that year, she abandoned me completely. Gone, like she was never there, like I was never there. Like we were never friends in the first place. And that hurt me, that someone could betray someone that easily without a glance over their shoulder. Though, this friendship had nothing to do with love (As we were both girls) and I'm just going off on a sub-topic, it's slightly relevant to the original topic.

Being, that with my ex-boyfriend, I was never myself around him. I was happy, upbeat, and cutesy around him so he would hopefully stay interested and be happy with me. At that time, I thought I loved him so very much even though we had known each other for a very short period of time. It took me a long time after he cheated to figure out that I've never loved before, and that it was just my teenybopper self getting enthralled with a guy who seemed enthralled with me. Even now I think of how ignorant I was to think it was love at all, or to expect anything more than what I got.

Even the short period of time I was with him, I was waiting for something to happen; for him to stop calling, to cheat, to just break-up and say he wanted nothing to do with me. This is because I am an omnipresent pessimistic in general, and I doubt that any romantic relationship I have will ever be void of these thoughts. They will be there, no matter how good I think I have it. It's just the way I am.

There's also the fact that I wonder what will happen to me the first time I open up to a boy and I get stomped on. Wouldn't that just destroy me for awhile, no matter how strong I think I might be now in the romance department? I probably wouldn't ever be the same, just like I'm not the same with friendships anymore. I do wonder if the reason I'm never close friends with anyone other than the close friends I already have is because they somehow since it's all a fake, pretty picture and are put-off by that fact.

What I do is, I listen. If there's someone I want to go up and talk to, I might glance over and see them with their regular friends and interject myself into their group and listen to their common interests and try to insert myself as one of them to show them that "Hey, hey, I'm here, too!" That's pathetic, and I know it, that I can't just say, "Oh, I don't like that. I'm not like that. I like this instead. I'm like this instead." It seems like I might offend them and wouldn't it just be oh so horrible if I did?

There's a lot of things I'd want to change about myself, and that factor is probably one of them. I don't want to be one to wear their heart on their sleeve or to be some horribly mean loudmouth, but I would definitely tweak my personality more than a little bit if I had the option. I would love to not be hurt so easily by even the simplest things, and get that look on my face that makes people want to ask what's wrong.

"Nothing's wrong; I'm fine! Why do you ask?" I say, with a smile.

I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.

Listening To: There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet by Panic! At the Disco
Feeling: Busy

"...Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and
I bet you just can't keep up with
(Keep up!) with these fashionistas, and
Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign.
I bet to them your name is "Cheap"
I bet to them you look like shh...
Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"..."

Well, I finished drawing that Mother's Day gift for my mom (Because I am broke. No gold-digging men going after me, that's for sure), which is of - you guessed it - flowers, which is what she loves most of all. Well, one of the things. I was thinking of just doing it in pencil, then I thought of just doing it in charcoal so I could do some shading, and then I finally decided to just line it and color it in. I have to say, I'm sort of happy with how it turned out. I can't say if it's my best or not because, somehow, with it colored, the flowers look less realistic to me. It might just be me, though.

I don't think she's expecting anything though, so I'm going to spring with it at midnight. Hopefully dad won't steal my thunder and wish her a happy Mother's Day before I can. Not like he hasn't done that before, of course, because it is a miniature battle between us of who gets to say it first (At least, it feels that way to me, and, albeit the childish nature of it, it still feels like some sort of challenge).

Also, already done some editing to my story chapters. After much inner debate, I decided to make it center around the character Mercedes Montgomery instead of Labyrinth, because Labyrinth just isn't main character material. Leader material, yes, but not main character. He'll get pretty close with Mercedes, though (Just as friends, though, because they just don't fit romantically), so whoever reads it will have the chance to get to know each of these key-bearers or whatever they are.

Speaking of romance, though, mom told me she might actually want to read this book once it's finished because despite it being about fantasy, it sounds dramatically less romantic than the Sacrifice Trilogy. This is true. The Sacrifice Trilogy was more about Honor and Atone jumping around grabbing each others bums and casting soulful glances at each other rather than the actual fighting and plotline (Not to mention that Honor was a Mary-Sue if I ever saw one, and had less personality tham a damp piece of cardboard). Even though, I still like Atone. And Justice. And Sacrifice. I'll probably salvage those characters and keep them even though I've ditched the novel itself.

Still, if any of you know me even vaguely well, you know that I love hot guys. And, more importantly, a hopeless romantic (Despite attempting to kick that habit). So I want this story (Which has a title, as I may've mentioned, though I'm not revealing it yet except to a couple close friends) to have some romance; I just don't want it to be all romance. As much potential as that might have to ruin an otherwise perfectly nice fantasy story, I can't help it. The itch is under my skin. So far, though, no romantic couples are presenting themselves from the characters I've interjected into the story so far. Gore would never give up a life of endless ladies to get back with Mercedes, and as I've been thinking of pairing her with someone else, everyone else I've tried in the past loses it's flavor. It seems cruel, though, to make that horrible guy her true love when they'll never be together again (Or, if they are, he'll just leave her or cheat on her. As he did both last time).

I suppose that's the end of this post for now. I just wanted to talk a bit about the story and about the Mother's Day thing, since mom doesn't read my blog and probably doesn't even know where to find it. And if dad reads it, he obvioulsy isn't going to run off and tell her.

Haha, dad, I love you. ♥

Oh! I did create a new set of twins (Yes, I know I have Gore and Ryder, and Ric and Vic, but shut up): Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. I got the idea when listening to a lot of Showbread the other day. I'll say now I'm not trying to say they're God or a "god and goddess," I just use those names to show that they're powerful. They're embodiments of lightning (Yes, like the weather) spirits, and they're going into my story.

Aww, I love you, too.

I'm so honored ♥

Don't know what you're made of till the one thing that you want is coming with the dawn.

Listening To: Syndicate by The Fray
Feeling: Thoughtful.

"...Halfway around the world
Lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground
Hundreds of miles down
The first thing that arises in your mind when you awake
Is bending you till you break
Let me hold you now..."

Flash posted a serious thought about her art recently, and I've been feeling lately that I should be posting something serious now instead of a bunch of memes and posts talking about the length of my hair. Because, honestly, I'm not one of those people. I don't want to be. I am really serious, here, and when I changed the title of this blog, that was meant to bring the rest of the changes.

If any of you Follow my Twitter, you know that I have recently come out of my writer's block - hopefully for real this time - and that I have a plot and a whole book idea, as well as a title, all lined up in my mind. For a long time, when I would start to write short stories and then trash them after about 3,000 words of what I just wasn't pleased with, I was so worried. So anxious. Enough that it would literally make me sick to my stomach. I grew out of the thought that "What if I'm supposed to be an artist?" because I honestly don't believe I am. As much as I love it and as much as it makes me happy, I can't ever imagine doing it for a living. I don't have the passion for it like Flash has, or like the passion that I have for writing.

I thought I may have lost my touch. I had gone too long without writing and any scrap of talent that I had, had gone, thrown to the wind. I hadn't tried hard enough to break out of my writer's block, and looking back, all the books I had written had characters that were one-dimensional and had an utter lack of personality. The plot was thin and frail, and I would go off into random directions or fill it with a bunch of senseless jabber. Everything was so horrible, looking back on it, that I wasn't quite sure that I was meant to be a writer after all.

The thing is, with writing, like Flash, I have always pressured myself in it. I had a set limit of words that I had to write a day, and if I wrote less than, it made me a failure. It made the book or project I was working on a failure. Even so, I would always be so excited and happy while writing down the jabber, and I never doubted for a moment that it would fail or not get published if I would ever try to write it.

Listening To: Enemy by Flyleaf

"...I have made you an enemy
I have been my own enemy
I am asking for you
To forgive me
For everything
If you don't
You're worthy of compassion
If you do..."

It sounds egotistical; it sounds horrible, to type that for anyone to see. Honestly, though, I never thought about it that way; I thought about it like I was just never afraid to put it out there, no matter what. Even now, I'm not afraid to write a book and try to get it published one day. But I also realize that the chances of it getting rejected are probably better than it getting accepted.

All you have to do is try, though; you should not be afraid of failure. Being afraid of failure will cripple you and the weight will be heavy on your shoulders until you bow down to it and give up. I will never be that way.

I will not be afraid of failure.

I will embrace love, I will embrace hate, I will embrace acceptance, and I will embrace failure.

Even if I died without getting a single book published, I would know all my life that I wrote, which is what I wanted to do the most. The thing that's closest to my heart and that I simply cannot live without; I must write. To stop writing permanently would be for me to die. I've never been so committed or passionate about anything in my life as much as I have about being a novelist. Like the quote of author Issac Asimov, "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster."

Though it probably seems a little depressing, something that's been bouncing around in my head lately that I heard a long time ago was, "I can't miss what I never had." So, if for some reason, I were never to become a novelist, I couldn't miss it. But if I stopped writing altogether - afraid of failure - then that, I would be able to miss.

I am excited about the fact that I have a plot and am going to start writing on my book today or tomorrow. I know now - in my heart, soul, mind, bones - that despite whatever writer's block or whatever doubts I may have, I am supposed to be a writer. This will never change.

But I do think I will become a novelist. Even if I have to try and self-publish it the first time, I will do it.

Come in, make yourself at home, 'cause you won't be leaving soon.

Listening To: Labyrinth by Haste The Day
Feeling: Hungry

"...We are unfortunately ever so self-destructive
We live inside this labyrinth
Waiting to go home
Labyrinth oh labyrinth
Your worst is what we'd might expect from you
And in your twisted walls you sing out of tune
"Come in"
Labyrinth oh labyrinth
Your most is what we'd not expect from you
And in your tired walls you sing out of tune
"Come in, make yourself at home"
'Cause you wont be leaving soon.
All your friends are dead and gone
And you've got nothing to lose"..."

Ah, yes, I'm doing that meme. Even though I'm not on DA. And, also, even if I don't know about the characters (Since I have no contact with the people who made them, I probably won't know anything about them unless they have a bio up).

-Rules-
1. Post links to your 5 favorite characters on dA that don't belong to you and tell why.
2. Tag 5 people to do this once you're done

1. *powerdraguun's Carmise
I mean, seriously. LOOK. LOOK. She's not only amazingly pretty, but the little I've been able to RP with Flash (A.K.A., powerdraguun) with Carmise and my character Gore, it's been darn epic.

2. *ninaogfnuk's Rasputin

From what I read of his bio, he seems like a good character. Plus, he has the silver-gray hair like Ric, which makes me think of Ric. ;D From the other DA pics, Rasputin seems like a lovable goofball, too.

3. *homeobox's Sven

Yyyyeeeaaaahhh...I don't know anything about this guy, but he looks really cool. o3o; I couldn't find a bio anywhere for him, so I can't really say if I like his personality. xD I think the only vague thing I got from it is that he's messed up.

4. *HeitchBee's Gertrude

Yyyeeeaaahhh, basically, I just like loupdrakes ever since Flash showed them to me. So there.

5. *MiniMushroom's Evan

Yyyyeeeeaaahhh. I don't know anything about him, or if he's gay, or whatever, so don't even ask. I just really like all the accessories. And he's pleasing to the eye. ;D

-I tag anyone who wants to do it, because I hate tagging people unless they're Flash.

Maybe I should hate you for this; if only you knew half as much as you pretend to.

Listening To: You're So Last Summer by Taking Back Sunday
Feeling: Er..back pain or something.

"..Never really did ever quite get that
Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar..."

Aha, you see. I couldn't think of much to blog about lately, but whether this turns into a boring blog or not, I'm posting it. I don't want to fall out of the loop of posting like I've done so many times. I'm trying to be committed to something, even though - in most cases - I'm not much committed to anything. I have to really love the person/hobby/thing/band/etc. to stay committed to it.

AND THIS, my friends, is why I would make a terrible mother.

But, anyways, me and Flash are doing another art trade (The last one was me drawing her characters Adam and Froze together while she drew my characters Mercedes and Gore together); me drawing her character Lamb (See Flash's picture of Lamb HERE) and she drawing my character Sinclair. And so, I worked extremely hard and even had to color the faily thing, but its finished, after quite a number of hours working on it.

SHAZAM. I probably messed up more than a few things, but at least I worked hard on this one. As well, part of it is blurry because my scanner was being faily and ever though I re-scanned it, it looked even worse, so I just went with this version. I'm not sure how to crop it, either, so that might pose a problem. Ah, well. ;c I still think it's pretty okay.

Listening To: This Too Shall Pass by OK Go

"...You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down
And you can't keep draggin' that dead weight around
If there ain't all that much to lug around
Better run like hell when you hit the ground
When the morning comes
When the morning comes..."

Well, did I mention that watered-down Diet Coke is possibly the worst-tasting drink ever? Yes, I took a sip of it and then I forgot that I had left it out earlier and now my mouth tastes like I just puked sparkles. Which, is actually, not such a good taste as you would imagine.

I'm also thinking of doing a meme where you pick - five, I think? - of other peoples' original characters off of DeviantArt. Of course, I saw this meme on DeviantArt. I don't have an account, and if I did I would probably be laughed off because of the quality of my art and my inability to apparently size and crop photos. Still, I think it's okay for me to do the quiz, and if I do it hopefully Flash will, too.

I'd also like to take a moment here to thank my new Followers here on my blog and if anyone who Follows me on Twitter reads my blog as well, thanks. I'm pretty sure I love you guys. Now, come here so we can have an incredibly awkward hug.

I need to be working on a lot of things right now. Like, that rad art project I said I was going to start? No. Quite frankly, it still hasn't happened. I haven't even done a vague outline or rough sketch of it. It's like I'm terrified to even start such a huge work of art. Still, I promised myself I was going to do it, and I will, eventually. For now, I'll just doodle in my sketchbook and make up new characters (Julius Manry and Alice *insert last name here*). So, yes. I should be doing something else right now.

It seems I'm always supposed to be doing something else.

'Cause there's a hole in the fabric of my sanity and it's getting big enough to see through.

Listening To: I Think I'm Going To See You by Showbread
Feeling: A collective feeling of "ugh."

"...Because the more the world puts in my mouth
The less I feel like chewing it
I found the way to madness and I'm opening the door
Cause the more they say what's on my mind
The more I feel I'm losing it
They tell me what to care about and I don't care anymore..."

Crap. Today is pretty high on the Suck-O-Meter. As in, Sucks-A-Lot. My stomach is hurting like crazy for absolutely no reason at all, and last night my legs and stomach were hurting. Is it just me or am I getting a lot of aches and pains lately? This just cannot be good for my health. xD Grawr, I don't even feel like eating anything for lunch at all. :/ Maybe I'll just have dinner or something because my goodness does this hurt like you wouldn't believe.

Thus, the only thing that's making this day awesome is the Internet and Flash. Flash makes all days awesome, though, so really, that's nothing new. I'm also watching a semi-good Ouran abridged thing on YouTube. What with the clever "Even before I was born I was the most beautiful and charming of embryos" and "Ouch, right in the teacups!" lines, this is the thing keeping me watching it. Still, under no circumstances is it as well done as Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged. Not that I'm dissing it. Or the person who made it. I really don't use this blog to diss a lot.

Except that mini-rant I think I had one time where I was talking about how much I detest adults who try to act like they're sixteen again when they're obviously not. Honestly, I dislike these people with every fiber of my being. I just hope that I never turn into one of them. because once you're old, you're old. You aren't sixteen anymore, sweetie.

Argh. I'm getting my hair done soon, which is good, because my roots are so clearly noticeable that when you turn to look at me they literally slap you in your face before you can say anything. At least, this is how I see it. Still holding on and not getting it cut, though, so I'll end up having a semi-long mane by sometime in the summer. I haven't had long hair since I was a wee tot and something happened and we had to chop it all off. I was very upset that day, but then I liked shorter hair more. And it seems to me that a snapton of people have longer hair rather than shorter hair, which makes me feel like I'm jumping onto some sort of bandwagon.

Which, I'm not. I just finally am taking the recommendations of everyone who sees my picture to grow my freaking hair out. This is not peer pressure, folks. I'm just thinking I would look better...but, now, I think I've talked more about my hair in this post than I ever have in any blogpost ever, so I think I'll just stop now.

Listening To: Insurance? by The Higher

"...Let's burn this filthy town straight into the ground
With our dirty looks and glances
Come on, can you hear us now?
As we rock you, shock you, drop you
And make you want it more
And we're gonna risk it all for the weekend..."

I'm also taking up exercising. Nothing like spots, but just some Wii Fit and crazy dancing to a crazy playlist, which, it's actually quite miraculous how many calories you can burn in just an hour of flopping around like a fish with your iPod on your hip. I guess I'm trying to get all active and healthy-ish and stuff, even though I really don't need to. Still, exercise will keep me thin.

But what I say to real sports is what Miles "Pudge" Halter in Looking For Alaska says:

"I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated the people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated the people who didn't hate people who watched or played them."

Yeah...

I guess I won't be doing much today except some RP'ing with Flash and maybe Kira if she gets on, but other than that, I'll probably just stalk Twitter a little bit and cruise the blogs to find some more to Follow, and look through the ones I'm already Following to see if I still want to Follow them. Speaking of blogs that I Follow, Flash should definitely post a blog. ;D And whether she does or not, you should check out her blog because she's awesome.

See, look? I'm trying to sell her like a ShamWOW! again.

Imprisoned inside this mind, hiding behind the empty smiles.

Listening To: The Arms Of Sorrow by Killswitch Engage
Feeling: A little hungry.

"...Imprisoned, inside this mind
Hiding behind the empty smiles
So simple (the anguish)
As it mocks me
Crawling back into the dark
Running, always running, into the distance
Stop me before I bleed, again
The echoes of my voice
Follow me down
The shadows I cast
Follow me down..."

I'm definitely loving Twitter. I may be posting too much, but meh; I'm new, so I guess that gives me a free pass, perhaps? I just didn't want anyone to think I was going to stop blogging all of a sudden because I have a lazier, quicker, and shorter way to do it, while being instantly updated on all of the people I Follow. I tend to talk too much, rather descriptively so, and that's why I must blog. I think these are the traits of a writer.

Speaking of writing.

Last night, I started writing something revolving around Mercedes Montgomery (The character; not me and my Twitter name). I sort of always wanted to revolve a book around her because she has such an interesting character to me, and though I'm pretty sure this'll turn into a short story rather than a book, I'm still pretty excited to at least be writing something. Everytime I sit down to write, it doesn't have to be a novel. I think my mindset has been stuck in this mode where I mustmustmust write a novel; no short stories, songs, poems. And that's my downfall.

So, if this turns out to be a short story, so be it. Let's just hope it'll be well-written and awesome to look back on a year from now when hopefully my writing has improved, sort of like my doodles drastically improved in just a year. Improving so much that it really didn't look like I ever had artistic talent and then SHAZAM, I apparently do.

Or so people tell me.

Listening To: Basement Ghost Singing by Armor For Sleep

"...Now I'm in your basement
I'm laying low to keep out of your way
I hear your footsteps
Move the floorboards above my head
I have my own routine now
I'm keeping busy in my own way
I'm learning ways to not feel
Like I'm down here forever..."

In other, much more random news, I switched from the my green Nano I got for Christmas back to my way-old original iPod. Yes, that thing still works, and has a vaguely okay battery life. I just have way too many songs that aren't fitting on that Nano and it's tiny little 8GB it's trying to tote. Yeah, it had a video camera. And a radio. Both of which I really didn't use either of. I gave it to mom, though she doesn't listen to music a ton, I think she'll enjoy it.

In a couple weeks I might be sending it in to get it replaced for $50 or whatever it costs, but at Christmas it's already been established I'm getting the newest original iPod, which can contain up to 40,000 songs or whatever. This, of course, will mean that I will be in heaven. I don't know if I'd ever be able to fill it up in my whole lifetime, but you can bet your buns that I'm going to try.

Also, I stopped re-reading Just Listen a long time ago, for some reason. I really, really love that book, I just felt like re-reading a different one. Thus, today, I have started re-reading John Green's Looking For Alaska for...the third of fourth time. The last time I re-read it being last month.

Yeeaaahhh, I like his books, okay?

I also am going to start work on a little art "project." You see, I have this huge sketchpad. I may've blogged about it, but it's more likely that I just told Flash and forgot to blog about it. Either way, this thing is twice the size of a laptop's screen. At least, I would say so. This thing is glorious, and even though I mostly use it for just being able to do a ton of doodles on one page, I'm going to take all of my OCs that I commonly use and draw them all together on this huge-bum page. I'm not sure why I want to do this, but I feel like it should be done.

I'll probably take my time on this, so I can't say when it'll actually be done, or when I'm going to start (But it'll be soon. Either tomorrow or today, I'd say), but I might even post WIPs. And you know it's serious business when that happens, because I tend not to show my art to many people.

So, look forward to that, guys.

So, I guess I'm off to mess around online a little and then go read some Ouran manga (Yes, yes, I've only read a few volumes. I know. I don't look like a true fan, do I? Even though I own all the Ouran episodes in a DVD set that I bought from Disc Replay that looks like it came straight from Japan, and, thus, only has Japanese audio and Japanese audio with jacked-up subtitles).

You would not believe your eyes if ten million Asian guys sneaked in your room as you fell asleep.

Listening To: Asian Guys (Parody of Fireflies) by NHBFilms
Feeling: Happy, yo.

"...You would not believe your eyes
If 10 million asian guys
Sneaked in your room as you fell asleep
With wide eyes and gelled up hair
And video games everywhere..."

I love this song. xD It makes me laugh every single time I listen to it. But in a good way; I love the Asian culture, so I'm obviously not making fun of them, and the guys who made the parody are Asain, too.

So no hatin'.

But the point of this post is that I finally got a Twitter.

Yes.

http://twitter.com/TheMercedesM

Follow me, dears? It would make a very happy Merce.

I've been thinking about fixing my brain, but I'm afraid I won't feel the same.

Listening To: Fixing My Brain by Brad Sucks
Feeling: Stomach pain. xD

"...Spending more and more time up in bed
Thinking 'bout the things I think you said
It's been on my mind and it’s hard to find
Bad habits come and come and go
I'm afraid my mind is getting slow
I swear it’s not so hard to understand..."

Okay, first, the reason I haven't been posting is because I was waiting for something semi-worth talking about, and I guess I finally have it. So, sorry if any of you were waiting (Though I'm pretty sure that if anyone was waiting, it was Flash).

Now, if you don't go check out the band Brad Sucks, I'm going to have to punch you. Not in just the jeans, either. In the blouse. In the wig. In the Converse. Whatever; I'm going to punch you.

Someone may ask how I discovered such a lovely band, and that is because I was watching 51 Things I Found In My Room videos (Yes, I'm still watching those. I'm addicted to that. I did it once myself a LONG time ago, but most of the stuff I showed was fail. Too much Twilight and way too much Jonas Brothers, and even though I still love Twilight, I looked like a tween dumb-bum), and someone had the song "Borderline" as their background song, so I checked it out.

Listening To: Time To Take Out the Trash by Brad Sucks

"...Down in the mouth and having trouble remembering
Hold my heart out loud and turn it up until your earrings bleed
Time to take out the trash, you know it's easy
But it seems harder every time you try to think about it
Time to take out the trash, you know it's easy..."

Let's see, what else? Oh, I recently visited my great aunt on my dad's side, whom I LOVELOVELOVE. ♥ She is totally the best great aunt EVAR. We're closer than anyone one else on dad's side of the family besides dad himself. xD But anyway, aside from all her awesomeness, when I went to visit her with dad he brought up the fact that I am a doodling monster and she wanted to see my sketches, but my sketchbook had nothing worthwhile at ALL in it. :c So lately, I've been sketching in that. ♥ Next time I see her I can't wait to show her some of my stuff, even though I usually get embarrassed when showing it to anyone other than a)my parents or b)my close friends.

Speaking of the doodles, I think I'm getting better. At least, that's what Flash said; about my faces, at least. o3o I'm drawing a lot of random guys lately, too, and they're all so adorable. But I doubt any of them will be made into real characters...still, speaking of real characters, I'm trying to develop Chinatsu/Hardcore's personality, as well as Jackie, Miles, and Riot. The whole band. It's coming along pretty slow, but still pretty good/okay.

Chinatsu has a boyfriend now, too. Haruki. x3 I like how he's "spring wood" and she's "a thousand summers." I think they're both pretty bright and happy, so.

Dude, I talk about my original characters way more than I actually talk about myself. There's probably something wrong with that, albeit less narcissistic.

Speaking of, Mercedes Montgomery actually is getting a Bio tweak. I decided that she did not turn alternative because of breaking up with Dawson (Because that just seems really, really lame, and not like her), but because she got in a car accident, and it ended up messing up her back so bad she's lucky she can stand up straight. And she deals with all this pain even now, and the painkillers her doctor perscribed her don't work so well.

And right after the accident I guess she had a little depression because of the pain. I assume something like that would make you upset, indeed, and I guess in this depression she drastically changed her appearence and ended up liking it. And that's how all of that happened.

And how his guts were all suspended in his fingers.

Listening To: July, July! by the Decemberists
Feeling: Sick & Tired.

"...And the water rolls down the drain
The blood rolls down the drain
Oh, what a lonely thing
In a blood red drain..."

I am feeling very sick and tired today. I don't know why, since I slept so many hours last night and got up late this morning. ;C But my muscles are all weak and my eyes are dry and sore despite my glorious eye drops. My throat was sore yesterday, too, but it's not so much anymore; it still does and it's dry, but not as bad? o3o I'm not sure how to describe it, but I really want an ice cream sandwich right now.

Trying to brainstorm with Flash to RP something that doesn't immediantly fizzle out. Our theory is that if it's fantasy we could just throw a flying rainbow llama in and make things interesting and use a snapton of characters. This way, everything should be kept interesting FOREVER.

F
O
R
E
V
E
R.

I have nothing much to post today except I think I'm going to work on the OC page here and then go fall asleep somewhere, probably. Whichever comes first. I just can't believe today's post was so short...I almost always have something to talk about, even if nobody cares. Maybe it's becoming boring for you guys because I'm posting blogs so often?

You got some kind of nerve taking all I want.

Listening To: You Found Me by the Fray
Feeling: Sleepy.

"...I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?", He said, "Ask anything"
Where were you, when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad..."

Though I don't imagine that God smokes cigarettes, I love this song a lot. To me, it's all about feeling that God wasn't there when you needed him, and finding you when you've already broke inside. I know it must be hard to believe sometimes because of the hardships everyone goes through; and I know someone might skip this post just because I'm talking about religion a little, but it's only this paragraph, guys. There've been times when I've asked, "Why?" in my life and "Where were you?" but I've never stopped believing, even though it's been hard at certain times. I think it takes a lot more to believe than it does not to.

On a much less serious note (Or perhaps serious in a different manner), you may've noticed I changed the name of my blog. This is because I want to go for a more serious impression; I was thinking of doing a completely new blog, and am still thinking about it (Though probably not going to do it); but more likely I'm going to delete all the silly/stupid posts. That doesn't mean there will only be serious posts; I just mean the super immature ones. I'm also thinking about making a secondary blog. For what, I'm not quite sure yet. xD I was thinking one for talking about my writing, but writing is such a big thing in my life that it belongs here on A Little More Than Nothing.

Speaking of the name change, do you like it?

Listening To: Rust by Telekinesis

"...I've got a heart but it's afraid to love
Sometimes i think the d*mn thing's full of rust
And every time it seems to skip a beat
Or two or four or five or sometimes three
It pumps something that i cannot call blood
And why'd it have to stop when you said love
'Cause don't you know that at the thought of it
The sucker goes ahead and calls it quits..."

Another opinion I'd like is if you want me to keep posting a snippage of lyrics from what I'm listening to, or just the lyrics in the title (Either way, I'm at least keeping the lyrics in the title, because I think it fits most of the time. Oh, and if my smilies (example, xD) annoy you.

So, as for my writing, I don't know if the Mafia thing is fit to be a book. I've probably said this before and you all are getting whiplash from how often I jump back and forth. xD But I was actually thinking of maybe making it into a short story. Or just writing a collection of short stories in general? I'm not sure. Flash was talking about doing a series of short stories set in the land of her Realm Gods, which sounds like a good idea to me. I'd probably just end up doing a series of shorts about Mercedes Montgomery and her daily life, which I would say most people probably wouldn't want to read. xD But I would like to write a book with her as the main character. She could keep it witty.

Aaannd one of the reasons the Mafia is either a)undergoing a serious plot editing or b)not being made into a book, is because I want to take Ric and Vic out of it. :c I just can't see Ric as a wolf. I see him as a normal, straight guy with a very gay appearance, just like I've always imagined him since I actually developed his Gary Stu character and turned him normal. Though I can see Vic being in a mafia and being a master gunsmen, he can do that without being in a magical realm.

So, yeah. So much for being out of writer's block properly. Well, at least I'm getting there. I'll probably scrape the remaining pieces of the Mafia plot and do something with it...eventually.

Listening To: I'm Not Good by Julia Nunes

"...And as I’ve well established
I am scared of the unknown
So we’ll take it slow, and I’ll let you know
I think we’ll be fine with a little time
I’m getting better at saying things
But it’s still so new
And I may blurt out words that are so unheard of
But I’ll hope that you like me too..."

Also, I'm trying to make a new character. I don't have her name or anything, but I have her hairstyle (I was cruising the 'Net - wow, that is such a white gangsta way to say "looking around on the Internet - and found a picture of a hairstyle that was amazing. I might actually try to style my hair that way one time, but I'll probably epically fail at it, like I do at life) down, and she probably has her knuckles pierced (Can't remember if there was an official name for it) and a vertical labret piercing like on the front of the Dying Is Your Latest Fashion album. I'm not sure what else she has, but I'll have to bug Flash for name ideas.

Oh, I'll be doing little short list intro/shortshortshort bios on the Original Characters (OCs) page, and I might be doing a very narcissistic About Me page for newcomers to the blog or something.

It's like we're chasing all those stars.

Listening To: Secrets by OneRepublic
Feeling: Tired

"...Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away..."

So, I'm incredibly tired right now, and I'm not even sure why. I slept like a baby last night; the night before, no, definitely not, but it usually only takes me one night to recharge. BUT not only am I tired, I am cold, which is a bad combination. If I grab a quilt and get warm, then I'll probably fall asleep. Warm = sleep.

This I know.

My parents recently got me a t-shirt that is pink with navy stitching and stuff, and it says "Save me," and has musical notes. I'm trying to figure out if it's a lyric from a song or if it's trying to say something like "Save me, music, because you're the only thing that's keeping me sane," or something.

I'd rather believe the latter, because music keeps me sane. C: I'm always listening to it, especially when I'm blogging. It really helps me open up and talk to you guys, even though I haven't really talked about anything really deep since that series of blogposts where I was talking about my friends - or, rather, I should say, lack thereof - and about life and growing up and crap. I'm not sure if I failed at being serious or if it came through right or what.

Listening To: Missing Persons 1 & 2 by OneRepublic

"...Everybody's staring straight at me
You spend it all chasing those lies
I dont really wanna take that chance
I dont really wanna do that dance
I dont know what to do till you say
Oh I dont wanna let you go
But I cant keep holding on
Skies of silver, stars of gold
And now you know just what you like
So far this love is all I have
So far this hurt is all I have..."

I've also realized something: I haven't had a "crush," in a very, very long time. Used to be, this would be a cause for freaking out and rushing to find someone to like. I'm thinking that the fact that I don't need to like or lust after someone is some sort of sign that I'm "growing up," *airquotes* or something. Which makes me sound like I'm thirteen or something (Though I'm not. Dude, thirteen was a horrible year for me). xD

Of course, I still drool after quite a few famous musical manchests, but I don't have some sort of crazy unnatural obsession like I did with the Jonas Brothers (Glad to be out of THAT phase) where I practically cried when I found out Joe Jonas got a girlfriend and was crossing my fingers for months that they would break up. Now THAT is unnatural.

Thanks for breaking out of that phase, self. *pats shoulder* So proud.

An empty barren carcass armed with a mind.

Listening To: Waves of Oppression by Mychildren Mybride
Feeling: Same as the last two posts (Man, a lot of blogposting today, amirite?)



"...An empty barren carcass
Armed with a mind
With ambition for victory, I confide
To encourage, invoking all that's inside
I prevail over every wicked bitter thing you've said
We, we prevail, mere champions among men
Finally I can breathe, I can breathe again
My lungs no longer filled with disbelief..."


1) Choose one of your own characters (OC).
2) Make them answer the following questions.
3) Then tag three people.
4) Feel free to add some questions of your own.


I'm going to do three. D Three new OCs, bebbeh. GUESS WHO, LOVEBUKKIT?

1) What gender are you?
Sinclair: Am I really that ambiguous with my gender? D8 I'm a male.
Mercedes: *snicker* If anyone's ambiguous around here, it's Ric. I'm female.
Gore: I'ma boy. Oh, hello baby, you're looking really FUH-YINE today. s
Mercedes: Can somebody fetch me a baseball bat?

2) What is your age?
Sinclair: Well, apparently, Merce hasn't solidly decided upon this, but she thinking around one-thousand years old, because supposedly Crow and I had some sort of romantic conncetion at one time and it's just all very confusing.

Mercedes: Dipsnap created me as nineteen originally, but apparently I'm 21 now.

Gore: *pelvic thrust* I'm 300 years old. ;D
3) Do you want a hug?
Sinclair: Oh, err, sure. Why not? *carefully extends arms*
Mercedes: Hug me and this cigar meets with your face.
Gore: Depends. :D If the host of this is a girl, then you bet your buns I want a hug.

4) Do you have any bad habits?
Sinclair: I think I have a habit of being too polite at times. Someone told me once I walk a thin line between adorable and annoying.
Mercedes: People say my mouth is a bad habit and that I should keep it shut. *grin*
Gore: Ohohoho, bby, I-
Mercedes: DON'T EVEN, DAWSON.
Gore: D8 I thought we agreed you weren't going to call me that wretched human name anymore.
Mercedes: I lied. Oh, that might be a bad habit.

5) What is your favorite food?
Sinclair: Ever since I became genetically compromised, I can't have food. I have injections of nutrients on the first day of every month.
Mercedes: Asian food, I guess
Gore: Blood, of course, my lovely. D I r a vampire.

6) What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?
Sinclair: D8 Like I said, the nutrient injections...

Mercedes: *still wondering why she's here* Err, I have two, I suppose. Cookie dough ice cream and wasabi ice cream.
Gore: Oh my, so hardcore.
Mercedes: If that's what you want to call it.
Gore: I can't eat any food, so this question has nothing to do with me x3.

7) Are you a virgin?
Sinclair: I don't like personal questions like this. .___.
Mercedes: Seriously. Isn't that personal? get out of here before I break your wrist.
Gore: Oh, my, so tough!

8) Have you killed anyone?
Sinclair: Well, yes. .___. The Crows sort of require this.
Mercedes: Nope.
Gore: Well, yeah...

9) Do you hate anyone?
Sinclair: Oh, my, well, it isn't very gentlemenly to "hate" is it? But I probably do have a few.
Mercedes: The world, excluding a few people. Like, Froze. Froze is okay.
Gore: Am I one of the people that's excluded?
Mercedes: No.
Gore: D'aww D8 Well, I hate every girl that's turned me down. WHICH ISN'T THAT MANY-
Mercedes: STFU, you liar.


10) Do you have any secrets?
Sinclair: I have quite a few.
Mercedes: Who doesn't?
Gore: Yeah, probably.


11) What is your favorite season?
Sinclair: Well, it's difficult to describe, you see, our land's seasons isn't the same as the human world's, but I quite like autumn in the human world.
Mercedes: Summer.
Gore: Summer. 8D All the beautiful, bare girl flesh revealed to me~

12) Who is your best friend(s)?
Sinclair: I don't think I have a best friend, but Apathy and I are pretty close.
Mercedes: *blank stare* If I had to pick, probably Froze. Everyone else is ex-boyfriends or people I hate.
Gore: Grawr, Morbid, because she's so easy to get along with.


13) What are your hobbies?
Sinclair: Ah, harp music. You see, there's a whole story behind that...
Mercedes: I dunno. Reading, learning about Japan, listening to music. I don't know if writing can be considered a hobby since it's a job now.
Gore: Err, I dunno. I guess playing video games. Besides romancing women, I mean.

14) What is your favorite drink?
Sinclair: I can't drink anything either. It's very boring.
Mercedes: *raises an eyebrow*
Gore: Blood I suppose. I can't nom or sip anything else.

15) When is your birthday?
Sinclair: I can't remember anymore, but I'm sure Merz will come up with it soon.
Mercedes: February 1st.
Gore: I forget, too, lawl, Merz shouldn't you know? You've had me for months.

16) What age did you die?
Sinclair: Twenty-five. The poisons killed me and brought me back to life.
Mercedes: Haven't gotten myself killed just yet.
Gore: Twenty. c: I was in college and some P.O.'d she-vamp nommed on my neck. Man, she was hot.
Mercedes: Dawson, do you ever think about anything else?
Gore: Nope, not at all.
Mercedes: Thought so.


17) Are you nice or mean?
Sinclair: I'm nice! I think...
Mercedes: Mean as a snake. D
Gore: Ohohoho, depends on which gender you are~

18) Are you social or shy?
Sinclair: I mostly stay withing my group of the Crows, and I'm quiet. I would say in-between.
Mercedes: I'm not shy, but I hate connecting with others. Now, if you wanna see someone shy, you should see Merz try to interact with soceity. It's hilarious.
Gore: Social.~~~

19) What do you think of your parents?
Sinclair: I loved my parents. They were very kind.
Mercedes: Love 'em, even though they aren't so crazy about my style.
Gore: I guess they're okay. They raised me and whatnot.

20) What’s your weakness?
Sinclair: My kindness. It's taken advantage of a lot where I live. :c
Mercedes: Aw, Sinclair has a sad face. Jeez, I have to admit, you are adorable.
Sinclair: :'D Thank you.
Gore: Enough mush over there, or you're going to end up her next boyfriend.
Mercedes: You never know.
Gore: Anyway, my weakness is probably my love for women. I can't say I haven't been swindled by one or two.
Mercedes: Mine could be the fact that I usually don't give anyone a chance.

21) How long can you stay under water?
Sinclair: As long as I want. D
Mercedes: I can't remember. I tried one time.
Gore: As long as I wanted to. I am a scary undead being and whatnot.

22) What do you do on a regular day basis?
Sinclair: Be gosh-darn adorable ;D
Mercedes: Work it, soul sister.
Gore: Hey, soul sister, hey that mister, mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair you know~
Mercedes: I write.
Gore: Makeout with some chick.

23) Do you love someone?
Sinclair: I don't, unless you mean like family. Then I probably love Amity and Apathy; they're like my little sisters*
Mercedes: Hey, I could always be your love.
Sinclair: How about it?
Gore: Get off each other, you two, you're practically different species. :C And no, I don't.
Mercedes: As for me? Eh. I do.
Gore: HOMG, is it me? :'D
Mercedes: I will cut a-

24) When was the last time you wet yourself.
Sinclair: I haven't ever. It sounds horrible.
Mercedes: *bursts out laughing* These are the stupidest questions I've ever heard! Well, probably when I was a baby.
Gore: How should I know? I'm 300 years old. When I was a kid, if ever.

25) What's your favorite band?
Sinclair: I really like Incubus.
Mercedes: Eh...I don't know. Probably some emo band like Breaking Benjamin or Showbread.
Gore: Metro Station. D Those are some sick beats.
Mercedes: Who even says 'sick beats' anymore?
Gore: Apparently, I do D8<>SWANG~

43) If you were a superhero, you'll be...?
Sinclair: *flails adorably* I'm not sure. D8 What's a well-liked one?
Mercedes: Catwoman, but she wasn't quite a Superhero, was she? C;
Gore: I 'unno. Edward Cullen? xDDD
Mercedes: *bursts out laughing*

44) Favorite movie?
Sinclair: I'd rather read.
Mercedes: Same. But it's probably some horror movie if I had to pick.
Gore: Err...Twilight. Or New Moon. homg, Team Edward. D8

45) What is your current occupation?
Sinclair: I'm a Crow.
Mercedes: Novelist. And I work as a freelance writer, and at Hot Topic sometimes.
Gore: Erp. I'm rich. D; Most vampires are, raight?


46) If you can choose what will it be? An close friend or trusting someone that you know but never seen him?
Sinclair: First.
Mercedes: First.
Gore: Whichever has bigger bewbs. ;D

47) There is a new song in the radio and you listen to it what will you do?
Sinclair: Oh my, it's 'Hey, Soul Sister.'
Mercedes: That's a good song. Turn it up.
Gore: I was singing that earlier!
Sinclair, Mercedes, and Gore: Watching you is the only drug I need, I'm so gangsta, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of~

48) If you use a weapon what is it?
Sinclair: The poisons my body contains.
Mercedes: Words and my hands.
Gore: My fangs. x3

49) Water, Fire, Wind, Earth. Which one you like?
Sinclair: Air.
Mercedes: Fire.
Gore: Water?

50) If you have a wish what will it be?
Sinclair: To be normal again instead of the horrible wretch that I am. 8(
Mercedes: Well, I'm already a novelist.
Gore: Admit it, you want me back. ;D If I had a wish, maybe get Merce back? She was a good girlfriend.
Mercedes: Pssht, yeah right. Liar.
Gore: That's right. x3 I could have any girl I need, I don't need your punky bum.
*censored for extreme beating over the head with a bat*

51) Who is your worst enemy?
Sinclair: The Mafia.
Mercedes: Myself.
Gore: D8 I dunno. The raging vampire killers?

52) Do you enjoy your life?
Sinclair: Somewhat.
Mercedes: Sorta.
Gore: YEAH I DO.

53) Your ideal moment with someone you love?
Sinclair: I don't have a romantic interest. :c
Mercedes: I don't have one, either, besides random hot guys on the street.
Gore: Well, I would take them out, and then when it got to the kissing part, I would *censored for young ears*

60) (how did it go from 53 to 60) do you think your attractive?
Sinclair: Well, duh.
Mercedes: As previously stated, he's cute.
Gore: Of course I am! Everybody wants a piece of THIS. *pelvic dance*
Mercedes: *inches away, dumping hot coffee on Gore's crotch* I guess it's up to everyone else to decide if I am.
Gore: *censored for innapropriate langauge*

61) do you think I AM attractive?
Sinclair: I'm sure you get lots of offers.
Mercedes: No, man, you're ugly.
Gore: Depends if you're female. If so, then probably, yeah. ;D Meet

62) do you consider yourself a MASOCHIST?
Sinclair: No. D8 I don't like pain.
Mercedes: I guess that depends. Getting piercings and tattoos is fun.
Gore: No. 8( Pain does not make a happy Gore.

63)What was the first thing you remembered after you was re-awakened?
Sinclair: o3o It was such a long time ago, but definitely Crow's face. *shudder*
Mercedes: From what, my alarm clock this morning?
Gore: Err, the she-vampire's bewbs? ;3

64) What would you want to do if you break the bonds with Ori Magicus?
Sinclair: ...
Mercedes: ...
Gore: No comment.
Mercedes: By saying "no comment," you're actually commenting.
Gore: STFU D8
Mercedes: Never.

65) Could you describe what kind of feelings you have for the boy whom sat you finally free of the curse that made you get reincarnated every five year?
Sinclair: o3o
Mercedes: :V
Gore: :P

66) What do you consider to be your most precious moment in your life?
Sinclair: I-I don't know if I have a most precious moment. It would probably be back in my human life, though.
Mercedes: When my novel got published.
Gore: When girls stopped being icky.


68 (Where's 67? xD) do you like TWILIGHT?
Sinclair: Ah, no, it's a bit...for the young crowd. Like Justin Beiber.
Mercedes: xD Haha. No.
Merz: She totally has the books under her bed with all those trashy romance novels. IT'S HER GUILTY PLEAS-
Mercedes: OH, LOOK, THERE'S A CROWD OF PEOPLE!
Merz: WHUT? *faints*
Gore: WELL OF COURSE DUH TEAM EDWURD

69) WHAT BOUT THE JONAS BROTHURS???
Sinclair: No, no, I don't.
Mercedes: Eww, of course not. :c
Gore: They're faily.

I think that you're funny and I think that you're smart.

Listening To: Pen To Paper by Julia Nunes

Feeling: Stomach pain AND back pain, darnit.

"...And I've tried hard

To prove that I am strong

But you know

And I know

That I've been wrong

And we talked for a while with our opposite styles

And I thought it might work if only for a while

Together we make such uncomfortable sounds

You open your mouth and I'm laughing so loud

See I can talk forever

Except when it counts..."

OBSESSIONS, YO. MIEN.

JUSTIN BEIBER LIEK OMAIGAWRSH!!!one1oneONE!!!

I KID, I KID. I can't stand the little gnome. Now, for the real obsessions.

FLASH. I stalk her through the computer just like she stalks me. ;D BEST FRANDS FOREVER. ♥

L LAWLIET. He's my favorite anime guy EVAR; I love him to death. <3>

These gosh-darn rubber bracelets every alternative person you see has on. xD I bought some a long time ago and now it's like everytime I go out I find myself wearing them (I have three sets. Mixed, all black, and neon, which I sometimes wear all at the same time or mix them up and whatnot).

AKA, Flash's drawings. Teh girl and boy together are my charries Mercedes and Gore, whom she drew for me because we did an art trade. ♥ Seriously, I love her art to bits. o3o

Doodling. D Doodle and Jackie Montgomery belong to me.

SHOWBREAD. <3>

Passion Pit. D8 OMGWTF I've known about them forever, but then got bored one day and started listening to some of their other songs. Turns out, they're the epicest thing EVAR. Or, one of them.

Telekinesis!, which is also someone I've known about forever but hadn't checked out until recently. D They pwn you and your house (TELL ME; WHO'S IN DA HOUSE?) and your dog.

Srsly, I love Japan with all my little heart. ♥ AND I ALWAYS SHALL! *glares at the haters* xD

Nearly anything emo/alt/scene/punk/hipster/goth/etc. D I post a boy here because I find him attractive.

Not Taylor Lautner (I love the guy and all, and probably have an obsession with him but I'm just posting a few of my obsessions, yo), but MANCHEST IN GENERAL. 8D

The nothing is in love with me.

Listening To: The Dirt (Nervosa version) by Showbread
Feeling: Epic stomach pain.

"...I want to open up my guts
And crawl inside to make a home
And nestle up inside the steaming softness silent and alone
I want to pull apart the things you think that matter
Cause to me nothing is everything just a vacant listless clatter
And I bury myself underneath myself
I will not reach or call for help
I want to do this on my own I want to feel it in my bones
I want to know the ugliness that wraps around me..."

Durrrrrr. So, now I've been working on my story, or at least one part of it, lately. The part of the Bloody Crow Creed (Or BCC, if I'm feeling lazy). I've gotten a few of the members done (Gotta work on the personalities and whatnot, though I have a vague idea for most of them. Very vague), and doodled them. I would post them here but they are so fail (Except the one of Sinclair is pretty, I think. ♥ Him and his eyepatch. I might post that one sometime soon).

And thus, (Not in the order I came up with them xD)

• Crow (Leader), female
• Amity, female
• Leech, male
• Chasm, male
• Vienna, female
• Atrophy, male (Thanks, Showbread, for the name idea D)
• Sinclair, male (YOU PRETTY-BOY D8)
• Apathy, female
• Bogeyman, male (but you can't really tell which one he is D IT'S PART OF HIS ALLURE)

So, indeed. I can't really think of anything to post, for once, which is weird for me.

Listening To: So Selfish, It's Funny by Showbread

"...So tense are these nerves in any instance
Teeth snap and a toe taps the dirt
Cry like a baby and see if then maybe
The others will cherish your hurt
Never you see a cry or plea
consider another or first
Know this is your world
The harsh words you have hurled
Recall you are the one in need worse..."

So, I'm obviously loving that Flash is posting her blogs everyday. :D She never fails to make them interesting, even if she doesn't think she has anything good to say. Whereas, right now, I am failing.

Though, I'm going to try and edit my blog and make it look pretty and seizure-inducing and bright. Flash edited hers and says it was pretty easy, but then again, she is probably the smartest person I've ever met. xD She doesn't act like fourteen, let me tell you. She's just epic in general.

But now I'm getting off topic, grr. Whenever I start talking about Flash I always start saying good things about her like I'm trying to sell one of those faily products on TV like the ShamWOW! or the Snuggie (STFU, I know I have one, but it's WARM. WARM, I tell you!).

IF YOU ACT NOW, WE'LL THROW IN A FREE MERZ! CALL BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, 1-800-GITAFLASH (warning: this is not a real number).

I am growing my hair out, though, still. I'm debating on whether to get it cut. ;c Everybody's telling me that they like it even better now that it's growing, but I still miss my short locks. I need to post a picture sometime soon, but I'll probably just wait until it supa-long or whatever.