NaNoWriMo.

NaNoWriMo is hard.

I'm 3000 words behind my own schedule.

It's full of fail.

Justice is such a bag to write about.

Mercy's in a coma.

Audree thinks she's smexy.

Judgment is suspicious.

Auden is an idiot.

Ryder is a pervert.

I keep having daydreams about L Lawliet.

And I'm going to give someone a beatdown.

Your Life Soundtrack Shuffle Quiz

I love these. xDD

Let's hope there's nothing embarassing. *flail*

Waking Up: Dance Hall Drug by Boys Like Girls

Good Day: A Welcome Vacation by Julia Nunes

Bad Day: All Shook Up by Elvis Presley

Long day: I Caught Myself by Paramore

Lullaby aka music to fall asleep to: The State of Florida by Less Than Jake

After a fight with your best friend: Trouble by NeverShoutNever

After a fight with your parents: Hear Me by Kelly Clarkson

After a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend: Just Dance by Lady Gaga feat. Colby O'Donis

Falling in love: We Say Summer by All Time Low

Breaking up: A Movie Script Ending by Death Cab For Cutie

Making out: The Reeling by Passion Pit

Making up: Strawberry Fields Forever by Jim Sturgess & Joe Anderson

Sneaking out: Monsoon by Tokio Hotel

Being reckless: Keep The Change, You Filthy Animal by All Time Low

Road trip: Hot Limit by T.M. REvolution

Graduation day: All Around Me by Flyleaf

Senior week: So What by P!nk

Remembering: When I See You Smile by Bad English ( xDDDDD; )

Childhood memories: Undo Me by Jennifer Knapp

Vacation: Break Out! Break Out! (Acoustic) by All Time Low

Seeing an old love: Faking My Own Suicide by Relient K

Angry mood: No Such Thing by John Mayer

Depressed mood: Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

Happy mood: The Downfall of Us All by A Day To Remember

Quiet mood: Fabulous by Scotty Vanity

Loving mood: Super Honeymoon by Owl City

Song for growing up: More Love, More Power by Michael W. Smith

Summer love: Circus by Britney Spears

Just SUMMER: All Star by Smash Mouth

Winter romance: No Rain by Blind Melon

Loosing your best friend: Ouchi ga Ichiban by Satomi Korogi

Loosing your love: Pushin' Me Away by Jonas Brothers

Loosing a family member: Panda Bear by Owl City

YOUR funeral song: Comin' Around by Metro Station

Your song you're remembered by: The Dynamo of Volition by Jason Mraz

Your family's song for you: Time For Me To Fly by Jonas Brothers

Song when you have kids [NO KIDS]: Power of My Love [Alternate Take 3] by Elvis Presley

The song that reminds you of your kids [NO CRAPLINGS]: Blur by Britney Spears

Your wedding: We Both Know by Ivoryline

Your KIDS graduation [NO KIDS]: Forgotten by Linkin Park

Your PARENTS funeral: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by the Beatles [Let's hope it's a crapload of years from now]

The song that ties your life together: Sister by Angelo

Your best friend's song for you: Presume Too Much by Merz [xD]

The song that reminds you of your childhood town: Our Eyes by Teddy Geiger

Your first love: If You Really Knew by Out Of Eden

Your school days: The Answer by Automatic Loveletter

Your favorite summer song: What Might Have Been by Little Texas

The song that reminds you of the one thing you wish you could get back: Thunder (Acoustic) by Boys Like Girls

Your drinking song: Joyful Kings by Jonas Brothers [WATER DRINKING, THAT IS]

Your party song: Confessions by City & Colour

Some made sense.

Some were embarassing.

And some made no sense at all.

Changing

Listening To: Balloons by Julia Nunes

Feeling: Sad

I was just thinking about how things have changed now that Jesse is gone. And that made me think about other changes in my life and the lives of the people around me that I love and care about.

I have changed so much from what I was, whether I've changed for better or worst. I may still be introverted and working on that, but I've really took a sharp look at how I was and how I am, and whether I deserve what I have. All the stuff I have and the people around me that care so much about me.

What kind of person am I to deserve all this?

Listening To: Odd by Julia Nunes

I feel like I'm selfish and abnormal. In a whole different category than the people around me, who constantly give and give to me and to others, and they are extraordinary rather than odd. I wonder about how they would handle the situations that I am currently faced with or have faced, and about which of us picked the better route.

Listening To: Regrets by Julia Nunes

But what are my good qualities? I've heard that we are our own worst critics. The only people who can tell me what I truly am are the ones around me. Is that because I don't know who I really am inside just yet? I'd like to say that I know, but I couldn't tell you that, because I'd be a liar, and I'm tired of lying. I'm never going to again. It did nothing but hurt me and everyone I love.

There are so many rolemodels of mine. Celebrities, sure, but I'm talking about in my life. My mother, my two cousins, other family members. But I have to say the person I look up to the most would be my father.

He's like everything I've wanted to be. A great writer; no, the best. I wish he would just write all the books he has had bouncing around his head all these years. But he's not just the best writer, but one of the reasons I decided to become I writer. He inspired me so much and I don't think he really knows just how much. I didn't look up to J.K. Rowlilng or some other author. It's my daddy, all the way.

He is so smart, too. And witty. He can toss out a comeback in a split second that will make the whole room laugh. Some of my best memories are the jokes that dad has told, and the time I've spent with him.

So many other things about him just seem so perfect to me, like his cooking skills, the way he tries to treat me like an adult, the way I can always talk to him and the advice he gives, and the love he gives. I'm so glad for the traits he's passed on to me.

And my mom. Oh, mom.

The way she has so much love in her heart. She's so perfect that way; love for her family, love for her animals, love for the plants and things from the earth. The way her eyes just sparkle sometimes, and her beauty, then and now, the things like that that I envy of her.

The way she's so opiniated, yelling at the TV. The way she defends her family with everything she has, never backing down. I'll never forget the time at my aunt's shop when she defended me from this rude, old woman.

Her cooking, the kind only a mother can supply, and her easy way to quickly sympathize and hold me tight, keeping all those troubles away from me. I'm happy for the traits she's passed on to me and envious of the ones she hasn't.

I feel like I haven't been fair to my parents. I don't think I've treating them as well as I should be, but Jesse made me realize that I can't let things be like this. Mom and dad are still here with me. I want to change, and I will. Because when they're gone, I don't want to have regrets.

Jesse.

R.I.P., Sir Jesse Pugglesworth.

November 19th, 2002 - October 16th, 2009

Actual Thoughts

Feeling: Like actually blogging for once
Listening To: Shameless by All Time Low

I was thinking that lately, all I've been posting are memes. And I been feeling bad about that. After all, people don't really come here to see the first five pages full of memes or whatever, am I right? Personally, I love doing memes and reading them, but not everybody is as insane as I am.

Alright, so, Halloween is coming up soon. I won't be gorging myself on candy or going out trick-or-treating, as I'm too old for that supposedly, but I will be dressing up. I'm going to go as a Twilight vampire - whichever one I can put together a costume close enough to look like them. xD It won't be that good, but it's fun for me nonetheless. I could always just go as a regular vampire? I don't have any money for special Twi contacts and I don't know if I'm going to get a wig or not. I could always go as Jane...but with hazel eyes. xD Hopefully, no one will notice, since it'll be dark and whatnot. I'll be spouting Twilight quotes at people all night, if I'm a Twi-vamp or not. xD

I'm currently in an epic fail state of writer's block. It's been here for about...2 or 3 weeks and it's about to drive me insane. I mean, I wrote a page or so of my latest book, but it's going to eat me from the inside out of I don't get to the 10,000 words mark soon. I mean, I have all these ideas for later on in the series, but none for now. Under the wise advice of Flash, who basically told me to just wait it out, I have ignored her. xD And I also ignored my parents, who suggested I focus on my drawing (Which I am very fail at) and getting better at that, not even thinking about the writing and maybe it'll come to me. Who knows? They could be right. They are parents, after all. They tend to do that.

Listening To: Buy U A Drank by Nickasaur!

I've officially decided to try out for drama at my church. Basically, you just show up and they go with whoever is there for the skit. I assume you actually have to act though, and as we all know, I can't talk to people that well. xD Much less get up in front of them and burst out into character. I'm hoping that I'll be able to muster up all my skills (Because, according to several people, two things that actresses must be: 1)Good and 2)Over-dramatic).

I'll end up chickening out, I'm sure, and running to hide behind some curtains or something.

Listening To: True Love by Said the Shark

Alright, so, let's see...what stuff have I gotten lately...(I always used to update my blog when I got stuff. Now I just kind of mosey about xD)...I got some clothes, some leggings, some pajamas, a new purple and black scarf, etc. I got some cool stuff from my aunt which she's never worn. xDD And she's the type of aunt who wears all the stuff the "young" people wear and is all hip and whatnot. Not wannabe hip, but actual hip.

She also gave me some Bath & Body Works lotions she's never used. 8D Vanilla Brown Sugar, Moonlit Path, and Twilight Woods (TWILIGHT HOMG 8D I'm pining for the New Moon premiere). Mom bought me some Orange Blossom lotion...it's brand is, like, The Naked Bee or something. Smells really nice. She also bought me the ChapStick of the same flavor, and the same brand.

I got some Blueberry Cobbler votive candles and the thing to set them down in, and some scented rocks to go in it, too. 8D It's very pretty looking and it makes my room smell like what I always imagined a grandma's kitchen would smell like.

Listening To: Audacity of huge by Simian Mobile Disco (>w> I'm on Flash's playlist on her blog. The song keeps messing up)

Alright, so...anything else? I don't really think so. I've almost got my Christmas List for my parents compiled, though, which includes the new iPod Nano (In smexy green) and a DSi. 8D I'm getting excited already.

I guess I shall end this blogpost, and post more later, but...

FIRST I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT CONNER OMGWTF.

He is the boy at my church that I have my eye on. He's really cute and funny and outgoing. He has nice hair. He said hi to me one day. *w* I really like him. There was this game that involved Blow Pop suckers, and I asked my friend to give my suckers to him for me. I'm hoping he gets the hint that, "HEY I LIKE YOU." xD I'm just afraid him and his best friend, who happens to be a female, like each other/are a couple. I would never move in on another girl's man unless I didn't know it, and if I did know it, I'd stay far and clear away.

So...I guess that's finally it. xD

I Have...

Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Swam with wild dolphins
Climbed a mountain
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula
Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Said "I love you" and meant it
Hugged a tree
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea - from the shore
Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby's diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Asked out a stranger
Had a snowball fight
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Held a lamb
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
Had two hard drives for your computer
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was drunk
Had amazing friends
Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign
Backpacked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Gone rock climbing
Midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
Visited Japan
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your CDs
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke (Privately)
Lounged around in bed all day
Played touch football
Gone scuba diving
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Played in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news programs as an "expert"
Got flowers for no reason
Performed on stage
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded music
Eaten shark
Kissed on the first date
Gone to Thailand
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone
Buried one/both of your parents
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
Performed in Rocky Horror
Raised children
Followed your favourite band/singer on tour
Started your own wiki
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
Had plastic surgery
Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 pounds
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Touched a stingray
Broken someone's heart
Helped an animal give birth
Won money on a T.V. game show
Broken a bone
Gone on an African photo safari
Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten kangaroo meat
Eaten sushi
Had your picture in the newspaper
Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
Gone back to school
Parasailed
Touched a cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read The Iliad
Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Skipped all your school reunions
Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
Been elected to public office
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
Had to put someone you love into hospice care
Built your own PC from parts
Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
Had a booth at a street fair
Dyed your hair
Been a DJ
Shaved your head
Caused a car accident
Saved someone's life

I am a cuddler. I am a morning person. I am a perfectionist. I am a night person. I am an only child (Technically). I am Catholic. I am currently in my pajamas. I am currently suffering from a broken heart. I am okay at styling other people’s hair. I am left handed. I am addicted to my myspace. I am very shy around the opposite gender. I bite my nails. I can be paranoid at times. I currently regret something that I have said. When I get mad I curse frequently. I like someone. I enjoy jazz music. I enjoy smoothies. I enjoy talking on the phone. I have a pet. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong person. I have all my grandparents (I think o3o). I have at least one sibling. I have been told that I am smart. I have broken a bone. I have Caller I.D. on my phone. I have bathed/showered with someone. I have changed a diaper. I have changed a lot over the past year. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair. I have had surgery. I have killed another person. I have had my hair cut within the last week. I have had the cops called on me. I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t have. I have held hands with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend/girlfriend. I have loved someone. I have danced around naked.